What I Am Is What I Am: Analysis

Season 1, Episode 2: What I Am Is What I Am

Analysis

Episode 2 begins with Erica filling in a resume, or CV as we call them this side of the Atlantic, and despairing at how bare it looks. I've been there. Indeed, I am still there.

Not that it's been ten years, like Erica, but still, confession time - I've never actually had a job. That's right, I'm 24 in a few months time and I've never done a day's work for money in my life.

I should be ashamed, and I am. True, I was in full-time education until I was 21, so it's not as if I've been slacking off from doing anything.

It's also not that I don't want a job, it's just the process of getting one that puts me off - something made increasingly more difficult within the current economic climate.

One of the most uncomfortable things I find about applying for jobs is selling yourself, and often having to stretch and bend the truth. Erica, dismissing her work experience, obviously agrees - and choose to put her educational achievements towards the top.

I could go on a rant here about the vicious circle of how to gain experience without ever being given the opportunity because of a lack of it, but I won't.

She then embarks on a trip around businesses handing out her resume. I've never been able to figure out whether this actually works. It looks so presumptuous and forward. Do companies even keep the CVs or just toss them in the trash? All that time spent walking around could be futile.

However, I guess at least you know they've received your resume, unlike if you email it. Plus, it shows eagerness and initiative on your part, both of which aren't particular strengths of mine.

We also discover in this episode just how clumsy Erica is which, again, is comforting. I have often shown a skill for tripping over thin air myself, and her driving mishap as well as bumping into a man and a door illustrate her accident-prone nature.

Then there's the case of bumping into an old university colleague - particularly one you don't really like. My own strategy to avoid such meetings around and about are dark glasses, a hat, and wearing earphones - which always give you the excuse that you can't hear them calling from a distance.

In Erica's case, she wasn't able to avoid Antigone. It's always pretty humiliating to find yourself well behind in what I like to call the "graduate race" - who does best and goes furthest after you exit education.

It's a bit like 'winning' a relationship break-up, I suppose. Who goes on to do best draws some kind of satisfaction. For a woman it's even worse, because, as Antigone boasts when showing her wedding ring, getting married seems to be another way to exert superiority.

You can't help but feel sorry for Erica here. You can do without such meetings when your life isn't going anywhere and you've nothing good to report. It's the reason I quit Facebook - I can do without seeing how well other people are doing in life via social networking sites.

Of course, for her, further salt is rubbed into the wound when she finds out that, not only has she applied to work as Antigone's assistant, but that the job has already gone to someone younger, and somebody from Literati to boot.

I guess Erica has managed to perfect her brave face by this point in life - smiling on the outside while feeling bitter and jealous on the inside. It's a crushing experience for her, and her car gets in on the action later, too.

Now, I'm the last person to comment on driving mishaps - having taken the best part of two years to pass my test. Still, it provides a comical moment to take us into the music.

As for the music, I have to admit to being a fan of the Season 2 titles more. I have read some fans don't like the rapid picture changing during it, but I think it works well and illustrates the crazy nature of her time travelling experiences.

Still, the corridor of doors with the different Ericas coming out of them works nicely when they haven't any prior clips to use. And the corridor itself is slightly reminiscent of the scenario she encounters at the end of Season 2 as well.

The story resumes with Sam trying on her wedding dress and Erica discussing her job prospects. Am I the only who thinks Erica's mom is a bit harsh with her during this scene, commenting on her lack of success and drinking?

Still, Erin looks particularly hot in her green bridesmaid's outfit. As well all know, this ends up having to be modified come the actual wedding day - for the better, too, I hasten to add.

Uncle Ruby's offer was obviously a kind one, but it can often feel like charity and that pity is being taken on you when a family member offers to help like that. Working for family could also be awkward, I would imagine.

Back at Erica's apartment building, and we know straight away that things aren't all that Ethan is making out when he rejects Claire's call. Him and Erica seem very comfortable around each other though as they share their wine. He also knows that she cares about him a lot when she promises to help him out.

At White Dreams - hilariously entitled, incidentally - it's clear to see just how unenthusiastic Erica is. It seems as though she doesn't actually need the job for money. When that's the case, then having no motivation whatsoever for the job means you're always onto a loser.

This is the first time that we see Erica walking unexpectedly into Dr. Tom's office. I like this inversion on the doctor-patient relationship, as it's he who decides when he will see Erica, rather than the other way around. Although clearly he brings her in when he feels as though she needs it.

Dr. Tom is his usual self - offering quips and quotes - although I get the impression in the early days these are more about making him sound clever that actually helping Erica understand something, as she usually doesn't get them.

Their exchange is crucial though - as we see for the first time the pain she feels over Leo - begging Dr. Tom to send her back. This also allows him to outline to Erica, and us, the guidelines and parameters to the time travelling, which is important.

It also helps set up the dramatic events of the final episode of Season 1. Indeed, throughout Season 1, from this point onwards, there's an inevitability that we are building towards Erica re-living this one regret.

However, that's for a future time. For now, it was Literati. It also included one of the biggest laugh out loud moments of the entire first season when Dr. Tom uses Antigone's words as a quote. That was very funny.

The combination of her words sounding so basic compared to his usual quotes, as well as Dr. Tom having the wit, and maybe even being cruel enough, to exploit Antigone's words was excellent. Was he mocking her, or even Erica?

Either way, I laughed out loud as soon as I realised what and who he was quoting. Great stuff writers.

Literati seemed like a weird group all around. I certainly don't think there were clubs like that at the university I went to - although it was hardly a stellar one. I wonder whether it's more of a thing you find over in North America.

Still, like Erica, I don't think I'd have joined. Partly because I've never been a particularly big fan of being a member of a club or group - having to conform to certain rules about things and do such initiations. I prefer to be free and an individual.

Anyway, Erica seems keen to do it all over again, and so gets sent back in time to her second year of college. You already get the feeling with her, Ethan, and Claire of there being three people in that relationship.

I'll discuss the topic of whether you can be close friends with a girl and have a girlfriend, or for a girl have a very close male friend and boyfriend, in another post. However, Erica clearly cares for Ethan a lot - and sparks fly between her and Claire throughout.

As for Claire, intense doesn't do her justice. I guess some people have to be the ones who care passionately and fight for such causes as Claire is/was. However, I've always been more like Erica, preferring to take a back seat and not get involved. You could tell she felt out of place in that rally.

Of course, whenever there's time travel involved, you open up possibilities for a bit of humour. Erica knows exactly how "incredible" Claire is, as Ethan calls her. However, she also fails to recall recent events and names, which is something we see her having to adjust to during her therapy.

Antigone appears to be even more of a bitch than we can imagine. Although Erica's comebacks in their verbal exchange are very witty. Indeed, I've made a note of the one about the grades just so I can use it myself if the opportunity arises.

Still, the whole verbal attacking for fun is strange, I think I would have walked like Erica did first time around, too. And what about the burying someone alive? Strange all round.

Plus, what kind of group wants people to express freedom of thought yet rules with fear - telling Erica she'll be kicked out if she doesn't dig up any dirt on Claire?

We get to see another meeting between Erica and Leo, and she struggles to hold back the tears when he leaves. I guess it brings it all back to her and she is getting used to having to saying goodbye to him all over again. The necklace was a nice memento though.

Dr. Tom is once again serving food when Erica encounters him in her past. Necessary I guess, for the egg analogy. She even understands what Dr. Tom is saying, which is almost a first.

We see a number of examples over how Erica can be goaded into things in the early days - whether by Dr. Tom, Claire, or Antigone. Which is why she decides to sell Claire out, then tell Literati, and then feel guilty immediately.

Second confession coming up - I am actually a trained journalist. Yeah, qualified and everything. However, I agreed with Erica's rant at Barrett about how uncovering the truth is one thing, but taking joy in crushing someone is something different altogether.

I was once told by a tutor that I might be "too nice" to be a journalist, but I don't believe you have to want to humiliate someone just for kicks. I think that's the whole point of the regret too.

Erica learns that you should always be true to yourself. There are many ways to skin a cat and achieve what you want in life. What may work for someone else won't necessarily suit you.

I have no idea how 'gut feelings' seem to be right so often - I mean, think about it, your gut helps you make a decision - but they often are. I guess it's acting on some impulse from your brain, but how often is it that something you get an uneasy feeling about usually turns out to be just that.

Be true to yourself, play to your strengths, and certainly don't sink so low when trying to achieve things.

All of which leads, back in the present day, to her dramatically quitting White Dreams - with Uncle Ruby's face priceless when Erica drops that bombshell after just a few hours.

Of course, as it turns out, she gets that phone call from River Rock and things are instantly looking up - only in TV land, you might say.

In her concluding thoughts, we again get to see just how important Leo is to her. Writing this having already seen Season 2, it's notable how he plays a much larger role in Season 1 than Season 2. As I said before, it all seems to building up to the Season 1 finale.

Still, Erica seems to be ending on an optimistic note of how, despite her mistakes in life, she still has plenty of time and opportunities to correct them and make things good.

She knows she has the bravery now, and she knows that she should set about her goals by being herself. I guess they're two good starting points.

And you never know when you might get those opportunities and chances. However, if you keep working at it, keep trying, keep persevering, keep handing out those resumes, and not giving up, then chances can and do arise.

I should take note. Things don't often come to you in life, you have to go out there and get them. One day, I intend to do just that.